Sven Baertschi, King Of The Spambots « The Book of Loob – Your Calgary Flames, Lovingly Ridiculed

Sven Baertschi, King Of The Spambots

February 4, 2013 by bookofloob

A funny thing happened on the twitter today. (FRIEND OF THE BLOG) Dome Beers, submitted a simple query for the masses in the social media landscape today, which was as follows:

“Is Sven okay?”

This is of course in reference to Swiss wunderkin and current future Flames legend and war hero Sven Baertschi, who is currently “week-to-week” (which I only ever remember being a timeframe for hockey injuries back on the EA Sports series in THE SUPER NINTENDO ERA) with a lower body injury.

Seeing as “week to week” is a pretty vague thing, DB’s question is pretty valid. And the weird part is (WEIRDEST PART FORTHCOMING), in this day of instant information available at every turn, at this juncture, week to week is about as specific as it seems to be for curious fans. Google results yielded little (read: none) in the name of clarification, so I turned to what I, and you as well, admit it, use for my most up to date source for news: the Twitter search bar.

Again, oddly, the following results gleaned very little by means of exposition, but further questions were raised when basically the search results offered up the following:

The ladies love Sven, you know. They’re just concerned about his well being.

Keep in mind that all those tweets are timestamped for today, and not from January 26th, when there were the rumours that the Baertsch was going to ride pine against those precious Edmonton Oilers, but then didn’t, so these aren’t exactly the tweets from some in the know hockey insiders. All those fake, sexy insiders. Who I’m assuming all have the same sources as the Eklunds of the world anyway, so that’s something.

So that was strange. Obviously there’s so much scheist going on here for any of this to not be suspect, and really, any spambot is essentially just algorithms and some poor, unknowing girl’s ill conceived mirror selfie, but when you see it all in one place like that, man is it eerie.

Anyway, the above is the largest image I’ve ever loaded onto The Book of Loob before, meaning it’s beaten the old record set by the Blairdometer, but given the content of the image, the Blairdometer levels are off the charts here, so obviously, it must make an appearance as well.

Shit’s high.

Get well soon, Sven, spambot overlord.

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